Lessons from my former self

I read a blog post today that expressed a theory of finding love. It mentioned writing down all the lessons you had learnt from your previous relationships and forgiving yourself and that other person for the actions behind the lessons.

I loved this idea so started writing.

Six names in my book.

Not knowing what I was going to write as I mapped out their names one after the other, giving each a page or two depending on what I felt would be appropriate for them, I began to write and realised very quickly that the most import lessons I have learnt came from two guys I only gave a page to.

My first love, my high school sweetheart, who was never officially my boyfriend as we could never find an appropriate label for what we had, taught me more about love than any of his contemporaries would.

My final love, C, surprised me which in turn surprised me. I don’t have a bad word to say about C, which I have mentioned before, so why would him being one of my only two true loves surprise me? Simply put, I hadn’t realised I had truly loved him. It wasn’t until I wrote about the lessons I had learnt from being with him that I opened my eyes to the fact I actually loved him.

Not to be mistaken, I do not want to be with my high school sweetheart or C. Those boats left the harbour and I am simply happy and content that I got to be with them before they sailed away.

I appreciate my time with them above my time with anyone else.

I wasn’t showered with gifts or complements, I wasn’t the only girl in the room to them, I had to fight for their attention in crowed rooms at times, but when they did look into my eyes the world vanished, and as cheesy as that may come across it’s entirely true. The world stopped when they looked at me. Because when my world stopped, so did theirs.

They each cared for me in a way that no other man has ever cared for me, uniquely.

My lessons I learnt from them, in no particular order, that I am incredibly thankful for:

• Appreciate the moments; early morning calls purely to laugh at your “morning voice”, laying together arms wrapped around you on the sofa watching tv, watching them prepare food (sometimes even in complete awe of the weirdest things guys will eat), walking through deep snow in the park after work just to be together before going to your own homes.
• Love happens at first sight; it’s a feeling, go with your gut. Love doesn’t need to know his job or career prospects, favourite music, history. Love is that person looking at you like you’ve never really been seen before.
• Be like your 13 year old self; blindly confident. Brave. No fear of rejection because you haven’t known it yet. Let that person know you like them. If it’s not your time right now it doesn’t mean it won’t be at some point. Let them know. You’d want to know.
• Don’t think of the final result, or even the “title”, of you and them. None of that really matters. What matters is what you do and feel today. No labels are needed for that.
• Allow someone to take care of you. Your weakness is not always weakness, it’s an opportunity for someone to show you their strength and how much they care about you. Allow yourself to be surprised. You don’t always have to be strong. But remember this feeling when you are shown this kindness, and repeat for others; acts of random kindness should not be limited.

You’re not the only one trying to be loved and understood. Remember that.

Love and let love in.

Each person on this earth will be dead in less than 100 years; so live, love and laugh, while you’re still breathing and beating.

xxHBxx